


The Big Bitty Bowl of Sunshine

by Jenrose



Series: The Haus Bartender Manual [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alcohol, Other, Recipes, this is really very silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 00:58:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6544018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenrose/pseuds/Jenrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This Bitty punch is chock full of sunshine and pie. It’s also extremely fruity and serves many.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Big Bitty Bowl of Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> Alcohol consumption can be dangerous to your health. This is a completely untested recipe aimed mostly at funny. I make no warranty about the flavor and I have no idea how much booze is in a serving, which violates about three of my personal drinking rules. 
> 
> Presented for your amusement only. 
> 
> Ngozi owns Check Please and you should read it and support her Patreon and buy anything she ever sells.

So we had the Parser cocktail, which was bitter and full of regret. 

This Bitty punch would be chock full of sunshine and pie. It’s also extremely fruity and serves many.

First, you need to prep things in advance. Get a nice silicone fluted tart pan and put it on a cookie sheet. Mix either peach nectar or apple cider with the freshest, most perfect summer fruits you can get in season, fill your tart pan no more than 2/3 with pretty fruit and juice, and freeze the whole business hard in a deep freeze, very flat. If you want to be extra cute, you can get mini fluted tart pans and do some with peach nectar and sliced peaches, some with actual honest to god cooked apple pie filling (use all the sugar and spices, leave out the corn starch or flour) and some with pretty lemon and lime slices, fresh whole raspberries and real lemonade. Freeze these hard and don’t remove them from the silicone until the last minute before you float them in the punch and serve.

Using good pie crust dough, roll it out flat, butter it, and sprinkle cinnamon sugar on top. Roll it up and slice into pinwheels. Take each pinwheel and carefully pinch it into a bow-tie shape but don't make the middle too skinny. Let your bow tie droop a little on both sides (it will need to hug the side of the cup a little or it will fall off). Bake (probably 350 for 15-20 minutes but I have not tested that or looked it up and if you are really going to make this you should probably look up pinwheel recipes and make tiny batches of the booze and for the love of god take pictures please.)

In a punch bowl, because we are serving lots of people, we’ll start with peach schnapps, apple brandy and a wee touch of fireball whisky. Add a whole lot of Southern Comfort. Pour in something fizzy… champagne or seven-up, depending on how fast you want things to move and how big a headache you’re willing to put up with later. Hard apple cider or maple mead made with champagne yeast are also acceptable for the fizz. 

Pour in just enough Cruzan blackstrap rum to give it a little angst and brown sugar flavor, but not so much as to cloud the sunshine. Top off with peach nectar, orange juice and/or pineapple juice to taste. You should have a brilliant golden bowl of fizzy sunshine with tiny (or larger) ice pies floating in it, and enough to serve an entire hockey team. Add simple syrup if it’s not sweet enough. And maybe even a little vanilla.

Garnish the precious tiny glass punch cup with a pie crust pinwheel bow tie. If your cups are big enough and your ice pies are small enough, you can put an ice pie in each cup. Note that to get a "pie" effect in cup-sized ice cubes, you might want to pour your mixture in the kind of candy mold that one uses to make peanut butter cups, or alternatively, silicone cupcake liners, but keep the proportions right and only fill the very bottom of the cup. 

It should taste like pie and love. Fizzy, fizzy love that is icy and hot all at the same time.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm publishing an original web serial! It's [A Lon Story](http://lonstory.com/index.php/stories/).
> 
> Find me [Tumblr.](http://jenroses.tumblr.com)
> 
> Please comment, kudo and share!


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